How to communicate with a workaholic boss
Workaholics are most often active people with pedantic, demonstrative character traits. They occupy leadership positions, inspire awe to subordinates, they themselves “burn out at work” and demand the same from others. Getting along with them is not easy, any violation of order, rules or discipline infuriates them and conflict is inevitable.
Psychiatrist, psychotherapist, Ph.D., expert on working with the subconscious, MAC, teacher at a higher school, instructor Theta-healing® Veronika Sysoeva believes that if you follow certain rules, you can not only avoid conflicts in communication with the “crazy worker”, but also preserve personal boundaries.
- Build personal boundaries wisely. Personal boundaries are the foundation of any relationship. Smoothly outline your boundaries, otherwise others do not understand what is possible with you and what is not and how far everything can go. And in any case, do not violate the boundaries of other people. Otherwise, trying to mend a relationship is meaningless.
- Agree on responsibilities. The first thing to do at the very beginning is to agree on who is responsible for what and who has what area of responsibility. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about the boss or about close people. Arrangements will help preserve your nervous system, maintain a warm relationship and avoid many conflicts.
- Observe order and rules. You must keep promises and control order in your area of responsibility. Otherwise, you know how it ends.
- Heal your inner traumas. People with a complex character often use cruel methods as a method of manipulation: they find your pain points, offend, touch on the quick and generously sprinkle “salt on the wound.” In this way, they reinforce their own confidence in superiority and infallibility. Are you tired of suffering from constant humiliation and insults? As soon as you emotionally stop reacting to such antics, those around you will unconsciously lose interest in doing it in relation to you.
How to communicate with a workaholic family member
Girls who dream of marrying a millionaire should be prepared for the fact that the enviable groom turns out to be a workaholic. It would seem, what’s wrong with the fact that a person is passionate about his work? Public morality favors the hardworking and responsible. The heroes of our time, the great workaholics Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk and other celebrities: their working hours are irregular, career ambitions are endless, work often replaces their personal life and other joys. The trouble is that the price of success is high: health, and sometimes life.
In his research “Work and Personality. Workaholism, perfectionism, laziness “author Evgeny Ilyin cites data that the” illness of free time “in a number of developed countries is becoming a national problem: according to the International Labor Organization, there are more than 200 thousand workaholics in Germany, and about 115 thousand in Switzerland. In Japan, which is recognized as a nation of workaholics, one in five suffers from this addiction, and for many, work is more expensive than life. In the land of the rising sun, the term karoshi is officially recognized, meaning death by recycling.
Writer and journalist Olga Lukas, author of The Workaholic Anonymous, is categorical in her judgments: “Workaholism is an addiction and a bad habit. Stop deluding yourself – there is nothing heroic about workaholism. ”
And yet, let’s not be so categorical, we will try to find a special approach to the workaholic, try not to create conflicts where it can be avoided.
What phrases you can’t say to a workaholic
Workaholism bad for family life. However, blacklisting the trigger words that will almost certainly lead to a serious fight can help keep your family calm. Psychologist, founder of the Academy of Psychology and Coaching Veronika Khatskevich, compiled a set of ten dangerous phrases.
“Don’t think about work”
How so ?! – the first reaction of a workaholic to these words. It is unacceptable for him not to respond to a message from his boss even outside of working hours – what if there is something urgent? This is definitely more important than spending time with loved ones, friends and yourself. He is ready to undermine not only his peace of mind, but also the comfort of others.
“You can’t cope”
Just try to say this, for example, to a workaholic woman in the last months of pregnancy – her surprised and you will remember the fierce look for a lifetime. Workaholics do not take a decree, they work, even if they are seriously ill or have major troubles in life. Labor activity helps to forget about it.
“They’ll figure it out without you”
Am I not irreplaceable ?! – a workaholic will say / think bitterly. It is difficult for him to accept that even such a wonderful, able-bodied worker, it is quite easy for himself to find a replacement or simply not even notice his absence.
“Calm down, rest”
Such a phrase will definitely cause a workaholic internal confrontation. Because he cannot be calm when he is resting. It is better to work, to be busy, otherwise a person experiences feelings of guilt and permanent stress.
“There is no need to stay late at work”
A workaholic always wants to do the work today for tomorrow and so on, and everything would be fine if he did not redo what he did yesterday, thereby taking up most of his time.
” Work is not the main thing ”
In fact, for a person who is in a harmonious state, not a single area of life is the main one, they are all in balance. But the workaholic definitely needs to put career first. He pays more attention and resources to her during the day, and, of course, thinks about her in his free time.
“Shall we go on a break?”
Alternate work and rest during the day not only possible, but also necessary. Often, workaholics do not understand this, and instead of the allotted lunch time, they also prefer to sit over work tasks. At the same time, feeling contempt for colleagues who choose to change their activity to a simpler and more enjoyable one. Of course, this acts to the detriment of itself.
“You are obsessed with your work!”
This phrase is both pronounced and perceived in a negative way. It means just an obsession, not a passion for activity. At the subconscious level, the workaholic realizes that he is working from internal pressure, not strong desire, and this further forces him to block all paths for the release of his own feelings.
“When was the last time you were on vacation / were on vacation?”
“What a stupid question, in the sense of when? A long time ago!” – think a workaholic. Because he just doesn’t like to rest, in the process he feels more stressed than when he works. Therefore, he chooses the latter.
“I’m so tired (a)”
Very often a workaholic is annoyed by his lack of obsession with other people. Unconsciously, he wants everyone to “work” in the same way as he does. And if someone does not do this and (oh, horror!) Allows himself to rest, then such a person immediately falls in the eyes of a workaholic, becomes a weak and unadapted person to stress.
And yet, no matter what boundaries and rules we try to observe, the workaholism of one of the family members has a detrimental effect on the atmosphere in the house, and in the team led by the workaholic boss, passions are always boiling, a negative emotional background accumulates, and conflicts escalate … What if the situation has reached a boiling point? “Each of us has people who do not suit us in character for communication, work or personal life,” says Veronika Sysoeva. – When building your life, you need to take into account such moments. Why mock yourself? And you need to understand that bosses, like friends, should unite common goals, objectives and worldview regarding what you are discussing. And you need to live separately with your relatives, build boundaries and stop being “Siamese twins.”